Post: Reply | Quote

Ok, after asking the question to fiona, I started to seriously consider whether I should a) dump prologue b) lengthen prologue or c) leave prologue.

So, here is the start of my baby up for critisism. Please, although I'm open to constructive critism (sp) try to be a little nice about it at least. "> This is my first attempt.

Beers and Berries,
Sat

PROLOGUE:
As seasons pass, so does the reign of the Lockrasts. The sign is colours in the sky, and all can see them change. But only those who remember the first Lockrast know the meaning. With each knew liege, there is one chosen to keep the Lockrasts power at bay. If they do not succeed, Lockrasts will rule the earth. With each one chosen, they have the opportunity to end the reign of Lockrasts. But no one knows how.

Post: Reply | Quote

The way I see prologues, Satine, is that they exist purely to give to the reader a piece of the story that is necessary, but doesn't necessarily fit in the actual timeline of the novel. Let me explain with a couple examples.

In "Cavern of Black Ice", a novel by J.V. Jones, the prologue tells of a pregnant woman travelling through the mountains in winter, a very difficult journey, to get at the city and deliver her baby. We get a sense that she is near the term of her pregnancy, and that there are many reasons why she prefers to go in the city rather than have her baby among her loved ones. It is, to her, a question of life and death. But we don't know who she is or where she comes from. In that same prologue, there is a ritual that binds a man with some kind of dark magic. Later in the novel, we come to realize what those events are, and that they took place years before the story actual starts.

In "Betrayal," by our dear Fiona, she describes Tor's execution through the eyes of Alysa's paladin (I forget his name... Sorry, Fiona). The story, however, starts way before those events take place. Soon enough, though, we come to understand that this is how the first book ends, and that we'll get to know how Tor came to be in that position. In this, Fiona created a circle. But she also planted the seed of curiosity, and as a reader, we have no choice but to keep on reading to find out why the hell the author wants to kill her main character! ">

In your prologue, I get the feeling that there are things you want to explain, like giving the story a reason to exist. To me, this prologue sounds much more like the blurb (a blurb is a brief description of the story we usually see at the back of a novel, in case you don't know) of a novel rather than a prologue. What I'd like to see, or rather read, is a scene where all those things happen: the colours in the sky, the choice of a new protector, etc, that will set the tone of the story, cultivate the reader's curiosity. Let the reader draw his/her own conclusions. You don't need to "explain" anything, but you do need to "show" us. That's the meaning behind the "show, don't tell" golden rule or writing I'm sure you already heard somewhere. "> So, get into the actual action - the last few words are intriguing enough, so I'm sure you'll find a way to make this story very compelling.

I think you should write the prologue, and decide at the end if you keep it or not. Your story will determine if it's necessary to have it, or if it's just redundant. "> That's what I did in my own novel, anyway.

That's only my opinion. Feel free to ignore it if it doesn't sound right to you. ">