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Forums -> Scribes Corner -> I managed to write a SHORT story!
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I managed to write a SHORT story!
#2 - 29th Apr 2003 21:40:00
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tali.deviantart.com
Any comments and advice on improvement would be greatly appreciated!
Thanx, Draco
"> The sun doth weep, as evil doth seep, thorough hell's gates as was opt by the Fates...*blinks* Please ignore all I hath said...
#3 - 30th Apr 2003 18:43:00
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This has a terrific fantasy feel to it. Partly it's all the thees & thines, (no idea if they're all grammatically correct...but it's done well enough to fool me,) but mostly it's just the excellent choice of words...the story really has a great fantasy flavour.
The only wee criticism that I'd make, is that I'm not totally sure why Annabel died. I know The Lady of the Woods warned her not to trust Jonathan, but he never actually did anything evil...nor did Annabel...so I was a bit confused why she had to die.
Oh Yeah, and why is it called Wolverine?
Other than that...excellent work.
Now, if you can just snatch this pebble from my hand...
Adios
#4 - 30th Apr 2003 23:35:00
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Thanx! and...
the Evil Eye is known to cause death.
"According to superstition, an evil person who has this power may use it to cause such misfortune as death, illness, or property damage. A person may also unknowingly have the evil eye and cause harm unintentionally."
Jonathan unintentionally cursed annabel then killed himself in grief.
It's called Wolverine cause Jonathan's wolfish side resembles that of the animal called the Wolverine.
Thankx again! And look! *points over Dn's shoulder and grabs the stone* hehehe!
The sun doth weep, as evil doth seep, thorough hell's gates as was opt by the Fates...*blinks* Please ignore all I hath said...
#5 - 1st May 2003 13:05:00
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#6 - 1st May 2003 20:56:00
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#8 - 1st May 2003 23:58:00
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#10 - 3rd May 2003 15:51:00
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#11 - 5th May 2003 21:32:00
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"> so sad *sniff sniff* a very great story indeed 
i loved it... even if it had to have such a tragic ending, but thats what makes it so great! Well done Draco keep it ups! (i hope you didn't make to many changes because i read it before you did! looks like i'll have to read it again... not that i'm complaning about that!!)
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