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lol - don't apoligse chord loas - Its good to have an objective opinion, because there is nothing worse where a story makes no sense "> I was just blurting out ideas thats all.... "> Must go have a think now !!! ">

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Firstly, this sounds great! I dunno if you meant we write it almost as a role playing thing or not though.

Hehe, thanx for the faerie princess, but I have my sights set on a particular evil enchantress. "> Here's an idea for this character

Name: Satine Darkone(what can I say, I love the name!"> )
Physical appearance: Long dark hair, bright violet eyes, tall, slim.
Age: 18
Brief History: Heir to the enchantress' throne. Powerful, decievingly beautiful. She isn't subtle unless need be. She has no morals, but is sickeningly sweet-natured. No one knows that she is an enchantress bar the enchantress community.

That's as far as I got. Dunno how she might fit in, if at all. Well, it was just an idea, I never said it was a good one. ">

Satine

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Well, lets see..... Aha!! <flexes fingers>
----

Satine looked up from her magical pool with a chuckle. Those simple villagers, and their even simpler little lives. She knew the dark secret that surrounded the village. She also knew that if she couldn't somehow find a way to seduce Father Francis' Cruthos, then it might bring further destruction onto the Mystical World. Her mother was supposed to have seduced the Father. She had dissapointed her grandfather, Master Darkone, when she had failed. Satine had no intention on failing. With a quick touch to her emerald pendant, she went in search of her father.

Lord Darkone was sitting over some papers. He wasn't an old man, but the tolls of ruling now showed on his once handsome features. He hated being Lord of this realm. He had never asked it. His sister was supposed to have filled the place. But no. She had to run off to who knows where.
"You called, m'Lord?" Came a sweet voice. Lord Darkone looked up to see his daughter, Satine, enter. She was beautiful. Her violet eyes, long dark hair, and her sweetness seemed of another race. But she was an enchantress. She passed off an 18 summers look, and didn't look her actual age, 180.
"Yes Satine. Come in and sit down." He stood up, stretched, and followed her out onto the balcony. As they sat in the cool evening breeze, Lord Darkone decided now was as good a time as any to bring up the matter of Cruthos.
-----

Well, that's all at the moment. I realise you might not like it, or might want to change it. That's cool, I just had this thought that i wanted to share.

better go so you can look through it ">

Satine0071

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Ewww, sounds great so far !!! ">

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Hi Druid, welcome to the heartwood and thanks for the great idea.
Chord loas, what you've written is excellent however I feel that it doesn't quite connect with the first two paragraphs. As you said yourself, the characters have progressed quiet far but we still know practically nothing about them.

Hows this for cruthos: tall and slim with wavy black hair that falls to his shoulders and is tied at the nape with a strip of leather. He has tanned brown skin, inquisitive deep blue eyes and a mischievous smile. Father Francis thinks that he still has years to groom Cruthos for his responsibilities until Satine Darkone sticks her little toe in and stirs up trouble ">


Any comments or suggestions?

PS I really like the idea of controling dragon with my thoughts. Lets say that I'm ......... (name suggestions?) Lord Darkone's dragon master in charge of his dragon collection (i don't know the correct turn for a group of dragons) Lord Darkone's daughter Satine is insanely jealous of ........ because she would dearly love to control the magnificent beasts herself. Satine comes up with a brilliant plan for ........ down fall but ......... gets wind of the plan and flees for her life taking her favarite dragon ......... with her. ">

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The lower levels of the monastery were damp and made slippery by the various fungi that grew in the cracks between the floor stones. The narrow corridor was thick with moisture, water condensed on the walls and trickled to the ground. They followed the trail of water which formed where the right wall met the floor, it seemed to get bigger the further they went. The torch sizzled and popped as it strained to stay lit.Cruthos had never been this far below the monastery, besides Father Francis, no one had been in over 8 decades. Abruptly, their slow descent ended as they reached what appeared to be a solid wall. As Father Francis shuffled around in his pocket, Cruthos noticed that the water was not stopped by the wall, it seemed to flow unhalted through a crack at the base. Having found the item he searched for, Father Francis removed a small stone near the top of the wall and placed the rod-like key in the hole which had been carefully hidden.

Cruthos let out a gasp as the wall slowly slid away, the chamber beyond was too dark to make out, but the sound of water became much louder. Father Francis held his palm out and whispered something almost imperceptible above the roaring of what sounded like a river. The chamber was immediatly flooded with light by torches mounted on the walls, seemingly bursting into life at Father Francis's command.

Cruthos took in the sight with awe. The chamber was very tall, the top of it being swallowed in darkness. In the center of the large cavern was a lake fed by a waterfall. The walls were covered with runes, the purpose of which went unknown to Cruthos. Two pedestals rose from the water near the far end of the lake.

For the first time since Father Francis had taken on this duty, he broke his vow of silence and spoke to Cruthos.
"Your heritage."

****

Satine Darkone, daughter of Lord Darkone woke up from another disturbed sleep, the last few weeks had brought her many nightmares. The sleepless nights had done nothing for her training, she was falling behind in most of her studies.


(we should not return to cruthos and francis for a while.. they have progressed rather far in a short time...)

ASTEROID B-612 AIM: LCHAOS1 Fionamcintosh #17 - 9th Jun 2002 21:55:00 Forum Moderator Total Posts: 903 Last Online: 1st Jun 2004 21:40:00 Registered: 14th May 2004 00:00:00 Send Message? Post: Reply | Quote Well, well, it's all happening here. Lots of enthusiasm and budding talent which should be pursued! I'm offering a tidied up opening, if you don't consider it too forward. See what you think - my intention was to build in some tension. Over to you and I won't interfere anymore but will thoroughly enjoy watching it take shape. Have fun! "> To the outside world Steepleton was much like any other hamlet fringing the great city of Farfield, although travellers passing through it were regularly known to comment on its particular quaintness. It was a sleepy town except on market day when it thronged with purveyors of goods flooding in from the surrounding villages with their wares to sell. Today, with the hint of summer on the wind, was one of those marketing mornings and the smell of freshly baked bread filled the air from its perch on the baker's window sill. Children, enthralled in a game of tag, weaved through the recently erected stalls threatening to knock over pyramids of fruit and vegetables.         There was, in fact, nothing remarkable about Steepleton on this or any other day ... apart from its terrifying secret that is. Fiercely kept for centuries, even from its own folk, the current protector of this grim information was Father Francis. He carried the weight of it well although in truth, his knowledge of it had never been threatened.         That was all about to change.         As the market square bell sounded the commencement of trading, so did Father Francis commence his day’s duties, the most important of which was attending to the training of the young acolyte, Cruthos. The lad was as open and guileless as the early summer sun which shone through the great arches of the cloisters where they walked now. Cruthos had been selected as early as his first year of life and was still not privy to the decision that he alone would bear the sacred task which Father Francis had shouldered these past 86 years and was preparing to hand over. Snowyfriend #18 - 18th Jun 2002 14:23:00 Member Total Posts: 682 Last Online: 5th Apr 2004 22:40:00 Registered: 14th May 2004 00:00:00 Send Message? Post: Reply | Quote lol - sorry satine - I'm guessin where all mezmerized (??? SP) at your writing lol Satine0071 #19 - 18th Jun 2002 15:58:00 Member Total Posts: 146 Last Online: 30th May 2004 17:42:00 Registered: 14th May 2004 00:00:00 Send Message? Post: Reply | Quote (You are allowed to respond "> ) Druid #20 - 18th Jun 2002 19:22:00 Member Total Posts: 11 Last Online: 12th Jul 2002 19:40:00 Registered: 15th May 2004 00:00:00 Send Message? Post: Reply | Quote hi everbody. Story is sounding great. I am feeling a wee bit inadequate after the excellent writing. Hmmmm. Must try harder he thinks.I'm spending to much time trying to get smiley face things happening.Need much help with this and all the fancy signatures everbody does. I must be a computer blonde.Best be off to dream up another paragraph or two. Page 1 of 2 -> 1, 2, Last Page. Subscribe to Category | Subscribe to Forum | Subscribe to Topic | Reply to Topic xHTML CSS WAI 508 Top