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Breasts
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Last Online: 11th Oct 2008 22:18:36
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Penguin is publishing a compilation of stories from a pile of female writers across all genres, styles, walks of life. I was invited to be part of this and the idea is to raise money for further breast cancer research. I thought it was a fabulous, very positive idea to raise money, awareness and give those who want to invest in that research something tangible for their dollars.
All of us are donating our stories and the brief was simply that our stories must feature breasts. They didn't have to be what the story was about but they needed to be amplified in some way.
Much harder than you think!
And even harder for me is the fact that I don't ever write short stories - I'm just not wired that way. However, I took a couple of days out of my schedule this week to have a go and surprisingly it fell into place. I've revisited Percheron for this tale although it is not set in the palace/harem and there are no familiar characters although a couple are mentioned to anchor the story into 'its own reality' and of course the world you know is there....if that makes sense!
It was good fun to do and it was a short, valuable experience in writing. I would urge any of you writers out there to practice using short stories if the idea of leaping into a novel is overwhelming or you simply don't know how to get going. Use two or three characters and try to keep it within 5000 words. That will force you to work on a full story arc over a small story, very quickly developing characters, getting straight into dialogue but mostly leaping straight into the action.
Anyway, I enjoyed myself. Hopefully we'll see it among all the others next year and I'll let you know details of its title and release date when I know more.
Well done, Penguin and to Sarah Darmody from the ABC who is driving this project.
Fx
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I must admit that, being a fan of breasts
, I was intrigued by the title of this forum. I think the idea is a good one; my sister-in-law suffered from breast cancer and had dual, radical mastectomies as well as radiation and chemo. She's a 10+ year survivor. A cousin's wife suffered from the disease also and is doing well after more than 5 years. Treatment is important, but I think awareness is at least if not more important. This is an area where early detection can be a life saver. Kudos to ya, Fiona, for your participation.
Phil
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Couldn't agree more. It's getting women totally comfortable about checking breasts, having their regular mammograms, being very aware that early detection is the life saver. And if we make it something very public like a book of short stories from a wealth of female writers whom they'd probably know most of the names of, then that's a truly good thing.
Thanks, Phil.
Fx
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I'm not sure if any other fantasy writers are involved but I have asked for some other names. I know Monica McInerney is contributing - she writes novels based on family stories. I get the feeling mine's the only fantasy in the line up, which could be advantageous.
It's released in March 2009 in Australia by Penguin.
Fx
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Last Online: 12th Oct 2008 15:48:36
Registered: 13th Nov 2005 17:08:10
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Last Online: 12th Oct 2008 15:48:36
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OK Fiona; just remember you aked for it.
CHAPTER THE FIRST
Once upon a time, in London I think it was, a couple of enterprising slackers were sharing a pint in their pub of choice when the subject of women's breasts came up. As you might expect, that's the sort of subject that often comes up when two young men are sharing a pint in a pub. Breasts, bosoms, waists, legs, hair, and all the bits and pieces in-between will often crop up in casual conversation in the cozy, pub environment. "Bob," said one. "We seem to spend a lot of time talking about women and stuff, but we never actually do anything about it!"
"I know,Will. If talking did any good we'd be IN, boy!" Bob exclaimed. Swiveling his head he whispered, "Jeeze, look at her! What I wouldn't give... ." His voice trailed away, as he and Will watched a spectacularly shaped young lady pass by them on her way to the back of the pub, presumably to the Ladies. "Ya know," Will said after the aforementioned beauty passed from view. "I'd just like to get a look, you know; don't need to do anything, just a good look would make my day." He sighed and stared into his empty mug.
"Yah, me too," replied Bob. "Hey, I'll stand another round. My mom gave me a fiver this morning for lunch. Beer's got protein and stuff, right?"
Sure," Will replied happily. "Probably tons of vitamins too!"
As Bob made his way to the bar for their refills, Will's gaze slowly traveled about the dimly lit pub, resting momentarily on each lady in evidence. "I'm such a loser," he thought. "Not a one of those girls'd give me a second glance. What can I do to at least get them to talk to me; what are they looking for; who should I be?" Being the slacker that he was, it never occurred to Will that if he were a young man of substance, had a job and such; that those self same young ladies would be interested in him. His mind just didn't work that way; he was always looking for a way, a come-on, a scam to make himself appear to be something better or more attractive than he was. Staring morosely up at the coffered ceiling, he sighed again and pondered how fate had so tragically made him a loser.
I've completed chapter two and part of chapter three, and will post them irregularly over the next day or so. I commit to finishing the tale within 48 hours.
Phil
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continuing ever onward....
CHAPTER THE SECOND
The next morning, as he perused the Help Wanted ads his mother had pointedly laid on his bed, Will thought. "Now, if I was a doctor, those girls would have to take their clothes off." That in response to an ad by an emergency care centre for physicians. "I wonder just what you have to do to become a doctor." he mused. Then it occurred to him that he didn't have to actually become a doctor; he only had to tell his prospective conquests that he was one. "Wow!" he thought. "That's the ticket; I just tell them I'm a doctor and I'll offer them free exams in back of the pub. I'm brilliant!!" He was so excited by the prospect of nubile women doffing their clothes for him, he grabbed his mobile and tried to call Bob. "Crap!" he exclaimed. "No blasted credit left!" His mother had finally quit paying his wireless bill when his job search lengthened into months, then a year and more. "I'll help you out when I see that you're helping yourself," she'd said. "And not a moment before!"
Reflecting on how unfair life was, Will got out of bed and padded on bare feet into the living room where he could use the house phone. As he was dialing, his mother came out of the kitchen and fixed him with a baleful glare. "Callin' that no-good Bob are ya," she challenged. "He's as bad as you are, you lazy ingrate. Bad lot the both of yern. If I'da known when you was born what you'd turn out to be; I'da pushed you back in. You're not a pimple on your dead father's arse." she scolded, then sighed and turned back to the kitchen. "I'll be leaving your breakfast in the oven then. I've got to get to work."
Will was hardly fazed by his mother's upbraiding; he'd heard it all a million times before. She just wouldn't understand that the right opportunity hadn't come along. "So unfair," he repeated to himself. Then recalling his brilliant idea, he brightened up and dialed Bob's number. " I'm sorry, that number is no longer in service," a rather mechanical-sounding young woman told him. "Jeeze," he exclaimed. "Not him too! Jeeze."
His enthusiasm a bit blunted by the young woman's message, he dialed his friend's home phone; and hoped that Bob would answer so he wouldn't have to be civil to one or the other of Bob's parents. "Are you there," answered Bob's mom. For a moment Will thought about hanging up and calling back when both Bob's parents would be at work, but he steeled his courage to respond. After all, he had great news. He had the ANSWER!
"Good morning Mrs. Carnes," he responded. "Is Bob there?"
"Is that you Willy boy?" she demanded. "Of course he's here you nincompoop. It's not half eight yet. He'll still be lie-about in that cave he calls a bedroom."
"I'm just out the door for work," she continued. "I've no time to roust him. You'll just have to ring him later." With that final blast, spoken almost as one, long, hurried word, she hung up.
"Damn!" he exclaimed, staring at the useless handset. First his own mother berated him for no good reason; and now Bob's mother couldn't even take the time to wake her son for his best friend. Looking across the room to the mirror that hung near the front door, he whined, "The unfairness of it all." He didn't really like the rather callow youth he saw looking back at him and turned his head away. "The hell with it," he thought. "I'll just ride my bike over to his flat and bang on the door 'til he gets it."
to be continued.....
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CHAPTER THE THIRD
It was nearly 11 o'clock when he finally presented himself at Bob's door. He had barely knocked once when a yawning, sleepy-eyed Bob cracked the door open. Peering blearily through the narrow opening, he asked, "Is that you Will?"
"Jeeze, it's awfully bright out there," he observed. Finally recognizing his friend, he opened the door.
"Come on in then, and shut the door behind you."
Will followed the retreating Bob back through the small flat's entryway, through the living room, through the back hallway and finally into the room Mrs. Carnes had characterized as a cave. It actually resembled a cave with walls painted some rather indistinct dark color, it's one window covered over with a Black Sabbath poster, and clothes and other less identifiable objects strewn about the floor, and covering the narrow bed. Heightening the cave-like illusion was the single red bulb, barely illuminating the room through a torn and tattered shade.
Flopping onto the messy bed, whose bedclothes couldn't be separated from the general clutter in the dim light, Bob said, "What brings you over here so early, Will? I thought we were getting together at the Hanged Man later for beer. That is if your mom left lunch money. It's your turn ya know. I've paid the last two times." Bob finished a bit petulantly.
"Can't help it if my mom's a skinflint," replied Will, put off a bit by his friends attitude. But then, he brightened again when he recalled why he'd ridden all the way to his friend's house. He had the ANSWER!
"Listen!" he screeched. "You remember those girls we saw yesterday?"
"I remember the girls we see every day," replied Bob. "What's special about yesterday?"
"Nothing's special about yesterday; I mean.....just listen."
"You know we can't even get to first base with any of those girls; you know that, right?" Will went on.
"First base, hell. They won't even talk to us" grunted Bob.
"Well, Bob, I can fix all that," stated Will triumphantly.
"You're nuts, Will. What can we do to....."
"Just listen will ya," interrupted Will. "Just listen to what I've got to say. Then tell me what you think."
" None of them will give us a second glance because we're nobodies, right?"
"Yah," replied Bob. "You got a plan to change that?"
"Nah, face it we are nobodies, but only we have to know that. All we gotta do is convince'em that we are somebody, like a solicitor or a doctor. We don't actually have to be a solicitor or doctor, we just have to make them think we are!" finished Will
"You mean lie, right?" Bob replied. "Just lie and they'll believe it. That's your idea? You're an idiot"
" No, really; We just have to go someplace new where they don't know us. You know, get a haircut, put on some decent clothes, wear real shoes instead of the sneaks. We got to look the part."
It took the rest of the morning and the better part of the afternoon for Will to convince Bob that his idea was worth a try. "You know we can't go back the Hanged Man," Bob said. "Everyone there knows us, well, maybe not knows us, but at least would recognize us."
"I know," Will replied. "We'll go to the Whistling Pig. I hear they've got a great buffet."
It being too late that day to put everything in place for the great plan, which Bob had begun calling The Great Lie; they put off 'til the next afternoon the first foray into respectability at the Whistling Pig.
more to come.
here's more:
CHAPTER THE FOURTH
Both Will and Bob looked a lot better for the attention they had given their appearance. Bob's mother had confused his sprucing himself up as getting ready for a job hunt and had given him an extra fiver for a haircut and had wished him luck. She certainly would not have wished him good luck if she'd known just what her son was up to.
The young men met as prearranged in front of the new pub at 5:00 PM. They figured to be at the bar a little earlier than the workaday crowd that would make it their stop on the way home from the office.
"OK, Bob," Will started. " I'm going to be a solicitor working on a hush hush case that I can't talk about. What do you think about that?"
"Sounds good, if you can answer all the other questions that go along with that."
"What do you mean?" Will replied, a puzzled look on his face.
"Like, where did you go to school; what firm are you with, do you know so and so? You know, all the questions people ask when they've got nothing else to talk about. All that getting to know you stuff. You got answers to all that?" asked Bob.
"Shit," responded Will. "I never thought of that. I got no story at all."
After pondering a moment, Will said, "Quick, let's get a table in the back where we can work all this stuff out. Come on."
An hour later a somewhat chastened Will was no closer to a good back-story than he was in the beginning. He didn't even know the names of any schools he might have attended or firms where he might be working. "You're sure I can't use Starfleet Academy, right?" he asked for the third time. "It's the only school I know anything about."
"For the third time, no," insisted Bob. "It doesn't exist anywhere except in your head!"
"Man, this is a lot harder than I thought it would be," Will complained. "I just thought I could say I had a job and go from there. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all."
"Maybe not," Bob agreed. "For sure, we're bound to get tripped up somewhere along the line if we're just talking out our arses."
"Butcha know, I kinda like getting cleaned up like this," Bob continued. " I may just keep it up and maybe even look for a job. I'm getting tired of hanging out and doing nothing."
"God, don't you go legit on me, guy!" gasped Will. "I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you to share all this with."
Don't do it," he finished plaintively. "Please!"
"Share what with you, Will," Bob responded caustically "An hour or two drinking in a pub on money our moms gave us. Scheming some way to look like people we're not! That's no life."
"When you came banging on my door with this ridiculous idea," he continued. "I just knew that it wouldn't work out. You know, the look in my mom's eyes when she saw me cleaned up said a lot." He went on, "I liked that feeling, you know; sorta like I was somebody. I'd like to feel that way more often, so leave me out of your crazy schemes from now on!"
With that parting shot, spoken perhaps a little more loudly than he would have liked, Bob got up and walked out of the Whistling Pig.
Will stared disconsolately into his empty mug and thought about the unfairness of it all.
Edited by Phil at 20th Jun 2008 03:06:02.
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CHAPTER THE FIFTH
Being the final chapter and the end of it all
Several months passed with little communication between the formerly erstwhile buddies. Bob had gladdened his mother's heart and his own by finding a job. It wasn't much of a job as jobs go; but he could buy his own beer now and found he didn't have as much time to hang out at the pub as he used to. Besides, since he hadn't seen old slacker Will since the blowup at the Whistling Pig, his time was spent on other pursuits, like attending night classes at the local business school to help him get on at his job. Life was pretty good, and he had dreams of someday managing the video store where he worked. If he could swing that, he might even be able to get his own place; not that his mom and dad were that anxious to see him go now he'd turned into a model son. He often wondered what was going on with Will now they weren't talking. He was actually thinking about ringing him up to see to him when the phone rang. He answered it and was surprised to hear Will's voice.
"Hey Bob, how are yaw old buddy?" Will said. "I heard you got a job; how's putting your nose to the old grindstone working out?"
"Pretty damn swell as a matter of fact," responded Bob. "I've got my own money now and don't have to be putting the finger on my parents anymore for lunch money. I'm even thinking about getting my own place."
"Cool Bob," said Will. "You've got a built in roommate here buddy. I'm fed up with my mom, tellin' me what to do all the time, can't wait for you to get a place."
"Hold on there, Will," Bob responded hotly. "You haven't got a dime and you never will going on the way you do. I'm working for what I've got and I wouldn't have you as a roommate in...in...well, just ever."
"Whoa there, Bob," cooed Will. "I've really got something to offer this time. I've got a can't-fail idea that'll get us everything we always wanted. Hear me out, OK?"
"Will, nothing you ever thought of panned out," chastised Bob, "And I know none of your hare-brained schemes ever will."
"Besides, I haven't got my own place and it'll be a while before I do."
"Hey guy, don't you even want to hear my idea?" Will pleaded. "let's meet back at the Hanged Man for a pint or two and I'll lay it all out for you."
"You'll expect me to buy, won't you slacker," Bob retorted.
"Of course," Will replied. "You've got a job, and I'm the one with the idea after all!"
"All right," groaned Bob. "I'll see you at half eight tomorrow night after I get off work."
All day long at the Video Palace, Bob wondered what his old friend had come up with this time. He shuddered as he remembered some of Will's earlier, idiotic schemes; and wondered why he'd gone along with them in the first place.
"Funny how one's perspective changes when one takes a little responsibility onto themselves." he reflected.
A little after eight o'clock, almost dreading the meeting, he said goodbye to his co-workers and trudged off in the direction of the pub. Arriving in front of the Hanged Man, he looked up at the familiar sign, then down and into the darkened interior of the pub. With some trepidation, he pushed aside the swinging doors and entered the establishment. It was still quite light outside, so it took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the dim lighting. Before his eyes had fully adjusted, he received a solid whack on his left shoulder accompanied by a screech of welcome.
"Alright Bob, well met old buddy," said Will enthusiastically. "Come on in, I've got us our old table in the back."
Mutely following Will's retreating back, Bob was sure this meeting was a mistake. "How could I have let him sucker me again," he thought. Sitting down across the table from his once upon a time friend, he waited expectantly for whatever came next.
"Here it is boy," Will exclaimed, tossing a page from a newspaper in front of him. "Read it and weep for joy."
The bold headline proclaimed "New X-Ray Satellite Launched Today".
Below that, in smaller print was "Instrument Expected to Reveal New Growth to Scientists"
Puzzled, Bob looked up at Will and asked, "So, what's the big deal?"
"Don't you get it," Will asked, with a wicked grin on his face. "Don't you get it at all?"
"No clue," Bob responded, "Spell it out for me please."
Without saying a word, and still grinning like a circus clown, Will handed a hand printed flyer to Bob.
Silently, Bob read through the printed words once, and then a second time; and, with shock, looked up at Will.
"Ya get it now, bubby, ya get it," Will bubbled over. "We'll have to get it printed up proper and all, but it can't miss!"
Shaking his head, Bob said, "Will, where in God's name do you come up with ideas like this; if you just put that imagination of your to some good purpose, you could....well, you could do something."
Not to be discouraged, Will leaned forward in his seat and fixed Bob with an intense gaze, "I only need a tenner for the copying and printing; come on, Bob, you've gotta help me out, you just gotta. It's perfect, don't ya see?"
"I can see you getting in big trouble over this if you're not careful," Bob warned.
"Nah, Bob, I've just gotta do it. When's your next day off work, I'll schedule it for then. Come on, Bob, you know it's worth a shot; this is my best idea ever."
"Next Tuesday," replied Bob. "I know I'm going to regret this, but here's the ten; just where are you going to do this?"
"You know that big block of flats over off Manchester, the one facing the park? That's gonna be ground zero. It's full of working girls, but Tuesday won't work. They'll all be at their offices; it's gotta be on a weekend."
"I can probably trade with one of the guys at work for a Saturday," Bob responded, "but it'll cost me"
"Good, good then," said Will. "I'll get this all printed up by Friday and distribute them to every post box in the building. And I'll post it on the bulletin board in the lobby too; I've already checked, they're always posting community service items there."
"Now, how about a pint?"
Well, Saturday arrived all too quickly for Bob. Will had called him the day before to remind him to bring a pair of binoculars, and he had. As he walked into the park opposite the block of flats Will had targeted, he felt like hiding behind a tree. Truthfully, he felt like running home. Then he spied Will running toward him, waving something in his hand.
"Here it is," he gasped. "Ain't it all I said it'd be?"
With a sinking feeling, Bob perused the flyer.
The first two lines were directly out of Monday's paper, which Will had shown to him at the Hanging Man. It was what followed that had him so frightened.
"New X-Ray Satellite Launched Today".
"Instrument Expected to Reveal New Growth to Scientists"
Doctors reveal that new X-Ray satellite can perform mammograms
from outer space. Specified London locations will be the first places
to take advantage of this new technology. If you see your location
listed below in the yellow box, please open a West-facing window
and expose your breasts for 5 minutes starting at the time and date
below. You shall receive the results of your mammogram from NASA
within two weeks. There will be no charge for this public service.
The address was for the building across the street. The date was for today. The time was for 12:05 PM. Bob looked at his watch, it was 11:45 AM.
"Ain't it, ain't it," bellowed Will. "You know it'll work. Come on, I've got a great place staked out near that old statue we used to climb on."
Literally in a daze, Bob followed Will across the green lawns toward the statue of some forgotten general riding his horse into some forgotten battle. He settled himself into a shadow cast by the ancient warrior and hoped he wouldn't be noticed when zero hour arrived. He watched as the second hand slowly circled his watch face, and the minute hand crept inexorably towards the five minutes after position.He glanced up at Will, who already had binoculars up to his eyes and was almost dancing with excitement as the magic moment approached. Time passed, time passed, and then it was time. Then it was six minutes after twelve, then seven, then eight. Suddenly a large picture window in the middle of the building opened up and a large sign on poster board was thrust out into the noonday sun.
WHAT DO YOU TAKE US FOR?
COMPLETE IDIOTS. TAKE YOUR
BINOCULARS CAMERAS OR
JUST YOUR EYES AND BUZZ
OFF.
As I began to slink away, I thought I heard Will start to cry.
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EPILOGUE
TEN YEARS LATER
I saw Will the other day; he was going into the Hanged Man with another rather unkempt fellow. I began to hail him, but then thought better of it; I had to hurry home to pick up my wife. We had dinner plans, entertaining the American CEO of the video chain of which I was the UK vice president. There was just too big a gulf that had developed between us over the years. I'd had only fitful contact with my old, best friend after the Great Satellite Mammogram Scam, and then only for a few months. How unfair life sometimes was. I owed my success to that one day, ten years ago, that Will had gotten me to clean up and dress up for what I remember calling The Great Lie. I almost stopped again to turn and follow him into the pub, then reflected again on the chasm separating us, and continued on.
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